Hurt

Colin’s taken to being hurtful towards me. Whether it’s making faces at me once I’ve turned my back (Rick’s caught him at this a few times) or saying rude things to me when I correct him or discipline him…it’s all hurtful and frustrating.

I’ve had an emotionally exhausting day. My hormones are in full swing and I know I’m blowing things out of proportion left and right…but tonight was a low blow.

I went to kiss the kids goodnight and after I kissed Colin’s cheek, I said, “What, no kiss for me?”

With a straight face, he said, “No, I don’t want to kiss you.”

I left his room and just fell to tears. I told Rick what happened – saying it out loud made me feel ridiculous for the meltdown I was having. It just drives me mad to think of all the ways I’ve turned my life upside down for him and the thanks I get is hostility and hurt. I never expected him to say, “Thanks for all you do, Mom!” But to have him resent me and act hostile towards me…I just don’t even know what to do.

Rick said, “He’ll understand one day.”

But I don’t think he will.
I’m usually okay with that. But today…I was already hurting. This was just a little too much for me today.

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13 responses to “Hurt

  1. These words and actions are painful. My four year old says things like “I love you; I like you” and more often “I hate you; I don’t love you; I love Dad.” My two year old has learned to mimic. I recently learned that they are “misspeaking”. The truth is he does want to kiss you, he does love you, and he seeks your love and approval. The truth is he is likely as frustrated as you are but doesn’t have the words or actions to say things in a more appropriate way or to make clear his own frustration. Be kind to yourself. You may not feel it, but you are gold to him.

    • Thank you.
      I never responded to your comment the other day. I’m sorry about that! I loved your response – even read it aloud to my husband. I feel like I know you after just a few comments and blog entries.

      • oh good! Me too. Thank you! Afterwards, I felt like I should have deleted it! I was worried that I overstepped, so I’m glad to hear it was okay. Be well.

  2. I always felt that kids say the worst things to those they love and trust the most….but it still sucks.

  3. I’m sorry. My kids do this stuff, too, and whenever I take it to heart, it hurts like the devil. We had a tough evening at our house tonight, too, with one son arguing about every, single, little thing and my other son testing every, single boundary. Affection on their terms only. And a lot of actions aimed at harming me. You’re right. Even though it means that they feel safe enough to act like turkeys–it stinks!

    Your son is so blessed to have a great mom like you–whether or not he ever understands what you’ve done for him.

    • Thank you. It is frustrating…and usually I’m able to just let it go…but last night just stung. This morning? He was smiling at me on the couch and trying to blow me kisses. I know it has a lot more to do with how he feels at the moment and less with what I’ve done/didn’t do/etc. Colin has no idea that his actions/words affect others.

  4. It’s so hard to be the one who has to suck it up and be the grown up. Sometimes I just want to lie down and flail about on the floor too (that would give my kids a BIG shock). Funnily enough I came across this post today and I immediately thought of you. Maybe there is something in there that might work for you guys?
    http://awesomelyawake.com/2012/05/30/5-family-activities-to-express-emotions/
    Hope your weekend is soft and sweet xx

    • Ha! I love the visual. Yeah, sometimes I want to be the one to throw the temper tantrum! Instead, I yell or cry…which I often worry is just as damaging as if I’d thrown myself to the ground in front of them.

      I love the post you linked. There are some great ideas there. I often try to use different techniques to get Ryan and Robbie to talk about their days. We “tell stories” before bed. It began with me trying to get through to Robbie when he was having rough days at school. I’d tell two stories – one where I showed him how his day went (misbehaving) and the other where we talked about how the story could have gone if he’d behaved the way he should have. It’s developed into us using story time as a way to talk about the good and bad parts of the day. They’re always “stories,” but they feature our family members. I love story time.

      I wish I had something similar with Colin. If you ask him to tell you a story, it will be about disco balls or “butt pee” which is his new favorite “word” (he writes “BUTT P” on everything). Closest thing to a connection I can find with Colin is music/dance. But even then, I feel like he gets angry/frustrated if things don’t go exactly his way…or he goes extra crazy and starts flailing about. I don’t know. We’ll get there. 🙂

  5. I’m sorry. That’s all I’ve got. *hugs*

  6. Sara, I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for THE VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD. Congrats, I really enjoy your blog. Check out my June 1st post for information on the award.

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